Day 0

Via Text

It started simple enough - she apologized, again, for flaking on me the night before.  Things quickly escalated.  The details are unimportant, at this point.  The result is what really matters - and that result was her saying she felt like we were more of friends than boyfriend/girlfriend, and that we should take a break from our relationship.

All via text message.



I felt weightless, not sure how to feel.  On the one hand, I was crushed.  I loved - nay, still love - this woman.  On the other hand, there was suddenly a freedom I didn't know I missed.  I could now do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, with whomever I wanted.

So I did.

After enduring the rest of my shift at work (yes, this all happened at work - and I had to to finish out the last 4 hours of my day as if nothing had happened), I immediately made my way to BevMo, and spent a ridiculous amount of money on alcohol, including a $70 bottle of 18-year old scotch.  With my haul, I went home - where I was greeted by friends who gave me words of advise and encouragement - and even more alcohol.

I was too busy with friends, with drinking, with talking, to feel anything - and that was exactly what I wanted.  Not a numbness, not a vagueness... but instead, to feel nothing at all, not even the absence of feeling.


And so I slept, and the zero day was at an end.